


Unapologetically Himself

by BeStillMySlashyHeart



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst with a Happy Ending, Developing Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Public Display of Affection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-21 19:17:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17648405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeStillMySlashyHeart/pseuds/BeStillMySlashyHeart
Summary: 5+1 or rather 1+5 ways Alex learns to be comfortable with MichaelOr, one time Alex won't let himself be seen with Michael and five times he does





	Unapologetically Himself

**Author's Note:**

> thanks as always to allthehearteyes and caitlesshea

“Hey stranger!” 

Alex turned and smiled at Maria. She popped over the bar with an arm out and he obliged, coming in close for a quick hug. It was true that he’d been a little absent lately. The past few weeks he’d kept his distance from the local haunts around town, choosing instead to spend more time at the base or with his fellow airmen. 

He’d wanted to build up some friendships with his colleagues. He was absolutely not avoiding a certain local who was known to hang around the Wild Pony. 

“Sorry,” he told Maria apologetically; he might have broken a couple plans recently. She waved him off. That was part of what he loved about her. She understood that people sometimes had shit going on that they needed to deal with and couldn’t talk about. She was always ready to lend an ear but she was equally willing to just give you the space you needed.

“So what brings you in tonight?” She asked as she opened a beer and set it in front of him without him having to ask. 

Alex shrugged. “Been working a lot recently. Thought a drink would be nice and relaxing.” He said sardonically as he took in the busy bar around them. He hadn’t thought it would be too busy on a Thursday night but the crowd tonight rivaled any Friday night. Maria laughed at him. 

“Yeah, we started doing karaoke a few months back and it is a surprisingly big hit. There’s usually a betting pool going on to see who can be convinced to get up there.” He looked at her in surprise. She shrugged. “Hey, it brings in a lot of business so we can’t complain.” She left him to go help someone at the other end of the bar.

He had to give her that. It was packed in here. He’d had to shove his way to the bar just so that he could even talk to Maria. Looking around again, he thought about just leaving. Maria was clearly going to be busy all night and Liz was nowhere to be seen. If he was going to be in a crowd all night, he’d rather be surrounded by his friends than people he’d only really known a decade ago. He picked up the beer Maria had gotten him and took a sip, deciding to stay until he finished it. After all, it would be a shame to waste it by leaving now. 

He spent the next few minutes watching as they set up the karaoke and people were already shouting suggestions and trying to bribe their friends into signing up. He smiled. It was a little mad in here but it was nice; it felt a little bit more like home. This wasn’t a night for getting drunk so much as it was a community event. 

Someone pushed into his back a little and he took a startled step forward. He checked that he hadn’t spilled anything and turned to see who it was and froze. 

Michael was leaning against the bar and trying to flag down Maria or Adam, the other bartender. He didn’t seem to notice that it was Alex he’d bumped into when he forced his way to the bar. Alex thought seriously about just leaving before he bothered to notice but that’s when Michael’s eyes flickered over to him and he froze. 

A breath punched out of him at the hurt in Michael’s eyes. He watched as Michael looked away and started to leave before visibly deciding _fuck it_. He leaned more heavily against the bar.

“Manes,” he greeted with a nod. 

Alex couldn’t do this. He put the bottle on the bar and turned to leave without a word. A hand on his arm stopped him.

Michael stepped in close so he wouldn’t have to shout over the din of the bar. “You can’t even say hello?” Alex suppressed a flinch at the bitterness in his voice. He knew he had put it there. Michael let go. “Oh right, I forgot. You’re an _airman_ ,” he spat the word out. “Can’t be seen associating with a common criminal.” 

“Guerin,” he started to say but Michael had already turned fully away, summarily dismissing him. Alex thought about trying to get his attention but realized he didn’t have anything to say. Not here anyway.

Instead, he nodded goodbye to Maria over Michael’s head and left. He’d get a sixer from the store and have his quiet drink somewhere else. Somewhere where he could hear himself think. 

 

A couple of hours later he was deep into the six pack. He’d driven out to a remote section of the desert, nothing to see for miles around except for the stars. He was laid out on the roof of his military-issued SUV, wishing, not for the first time, that it was a pick up he’d driven out here in. He finished off the bottle in his hand and thought about opening the last one. It had been a while since he drank this much, especially on his own, but he needed it. 

He stared up at the stars and sighed to himself. What had he been thinking, coming out here? He could have just as easily drank at home. He would have been alone there too, but maybe less inclined to drink so much. Being out here - being out here alone - was doing things to him. Making him maudlin.

He reached for the last bottle but accidentally knocked it over the edge. He heard it smash on ground and tears sprung to his eyes. It was absurd to cry over a broken bottle of beer but once he started he couldn’t stop. Distantly, he pondered if the bottle wasn’t why he was crying but he didn’t care to think too hard on that right now so he shoved the thought away. 

Alex had no idea how long he lay there letting the tears rolls down his cheeks. What he did know was that sound carried for miles in the desert; he heard the truck minutes before he saw the headlights. Part of him worried about who might be coming all of the way out here at this time of night; what would they think when they saw him in this state? But most of him was just scared. Scared because he knew that sound. He’d been hearing it for ten years. 

And honestly? Who else in the world would think to come here? To this spot. _Their spot_. 

Alex barely had time to wipe his face when he heard the truck come to a stop next to his car. He didn’t even try to look over. The door slammed and footsteps sounded as the driver got out and came over. Alex didn’t move. He barely breathed. He wasn’t sure what he thought to accomplish by hiding when it was obvious he was there but he wanted to avoid the confrontation that he knew was coming. 

He heard glass shards tinkling as a boot ran over them and a low curse filled the air. A moment later, he felt the car shake as someone climbed up the ladder on the back of the car. His view of the stars was blocked by a curly head of hair and an amused smile. 

“Hi,” Michael greeted him softly. Alex squeezed his eyes shut and didn’t answer. Neither man moved or spoke, letting the silence stretch. Eventually, Alex opened his eyes to see Michael still leaning over him. 

“What are you doing here?” He asked. 

Michael shrugged. “Went for a drive. Saw some poor sap’s car all the way out here. Thought I’d check it out.” He replied, his voice still low. 

Alex closed his eyes again and let his head loll to the side. “What are you doing out here?” Michael asked.

See, the problem with Alex and alcohol is that he was a surprisingly lightweight drinker. And a talkative one at that. It was part of why he didn’t drink much in social settings. He couldn’t keep his mouth shut. And now, five beers in and Michael right there asking him questions, lying didn’t even occur to him. “I miss you.” The car rocked as Michael jerked back in surprise. Alex hardly noticed. “You’re right there but so far away and I wanted to be close to you. And this was always where we came.”

He looked up into Michael’s eyes. “You’re the one who pushed me away, Alex.” Michael told him. 

Alex nodded. “I know. And that’s the worst part. Because it’s all my fault. But I don’t know how to fix it. Fix us.”

Michael leaned heavily on the roof of the car, still balanced on the ladder. “It’s pretty easy to fix, Alex,” he admitted. “All I want is to be with you. So just be with me.”

His eyes welled up again but Alex ignored it. He reached up a hand grabbed Michael’s jaw, pulling him down. Their lips met in an awkward, sloppy upside-down kiss that was way more enthusiasm than skill but Alex didn’t care and, from the way Michael responded, he didn’t care much either. 

Michael pulled back way too soon for Alex’s liking and he let out a whine that, if he were sober, he would categorically deny ever left his lips. Michael chuckled but held back. “You’re drunk.” 

“Sooo?” Alex replied. “Doesn’t mean I don’t want this.”

Michael shook his head. “Sober you has a different opinion.” Alex shook his head quickly and then froze, a hand going to his mouth. Michael nodded to himself and grabbed at Alex’s shoulders, quickly turning him on his side so he could vomit over the edge of the car. When Alex finished, Michael lifted his hand from where he’d been rubbing at Alex’s back and tapped him on the shoulder. 

“Alright, come on. Let’s get you down from here.” Alex wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand and looked at Michael and then looked at the ground. It was pretty far away. He looked back at Michael.

Michael was taking in the situation, realizing that Alex probably wouldn’t be able to get down on his own. “Can you get down the ladder if I help you?” He asked but Alex shook his head. 

“My leg,” he started but stopped. He hated admitting that he couldn’t do something simple but it was his new reality. “It’s pretty sore and when I’m drunk my coordination is a little off. I don’t think I could get down unless you basically-” he stopped. Admitting that Michael might have to practically carry him off the roof was a step too far. 

Michael just nodded and finished climbing up the ladder. Alex scooted to the side of the roof to give him room but Michael stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. “Please don’t. I don’t want you rolling off.” Alex just rolled his eyes. He wasn’t that drunk. 

Alex watched as Michael collected the empty beer bottles lying around and put them back in the pack before setting it aside. Gently, he helped Alex sit up, pausing as Alex put a hand back to his mouth. When Alex nodded that he was ok, he started to tug him towards the front of the car. Alex went with him willingly but shot him a confused look. The ladder was on the back. 

Neither man spoke as Michael got Alex situated on the front of the roof with his legs hanging over the windshield. It was then that Alex finally figured out just what Michael had planned; rather than attempting to climb the ladder, Alex could just slide down the windshield and off the hood of the car. He smiled. Much better than being carried like an invalid. He watched as Michael slid down first and turned around once he hit the ground. 

Carefully, he slid himself down, being careful to go slowly so he didn’t slide off sideways. When his ass hit the hood, Michael reached up and grabbed his knees and gently pulled him the rest of the way off of the car. As soon as his feet hit the ground, Alex realized he was maybe more drunk than he wanted to admit. If Michael hadn’t been there to steady him, he might’ve just face planted onto the ground. Michael slung an arm around his waist and guided him into the passenger seat of his truck. 

“My car,” Alex tried to protest but Michael shot him down. 

“There’s no chance in hell that you’re driving. We’ll come back tomorrow to get it, okay?” He pulled the seatbelt around Alex and went to get the six pack off of Alex’s roof, tossing it in the bed of his truck. Sliding behind the wheel, he checked to make sure Alex had his keys with him and then they were moving. 

Michael’s truck was old but the engine was in great shape and the gentle jostling as he drove lulled Alex to sleep. He was distantly aware of arriving at the scrapyard and Michael helping him into bed. He made a mumble of protest as Michael eased off his prosthetic but frankly, it was hurting and having it off felt too good to argue too much. Not that he could have put up too much of a fight considering he was half asleep. Before he drifted off, he felt Michael slide into bed next to him and he turned and wrapped an arm around his waist, tucking his head into Michael’s neck. 

 

1.

He woke up to a gentle hand running up and down his back, someone playing with his fingers as they lay nestled in soft curls on a firm chest. He blinked his eyes open, squinting in the morning light to see Michael’s face inches from his own. His eyes were still closed and although Alex knew he was awake, his face was as relaxed as Alex had ever seen it, a small smile playing at his lips. 

Alex smiled to himself, thankful as ever that he didn’t suffer from hangovers so he could enjoy waking up to this. He winced internally as he remembered everything that had happened last night but shoved away any shame and embarrassment he felt. Michael had certainly seen him in far worse states during high school. And clearly, he didn’t care about it. 

As he gazed at Michael he thought about what he’d said out in the desert. That all Alex had to do to fix them was just be with him. It sounded so simple when he said it. Alex leaned his head down a little and brushed a kiss on Michael’s chest. He could think about their relationship status later. Right now, he was in Michael’s arms, in Michael’s bed. He had more important things to do than think.

 

As they got dressed, Alex checked his phone. It was still early enough that there was just enough time to drive out and get his car before he had to go to work. But only if they left now. He hurried Michael along and was practically shoving him out the door when he heard a car pull up outside. The door slammed and Isobel’s voice rang out.

“Michael!” 

Michael stilled in front of him. Alex froze and closed his eyes. He knew they were both thinking of the last time they were in this position. When Isobel had surprised them the morning after their reunion and Alex had told Michael that it would be bad for anyone to know about them. 

Michael looked over his shoulder at Alex and raised an eyebrow. Alex knew he was asking him what he wanted to do. He may hate that Alex wanted to keep them a secret but he would never force Alex to come out with it. But he also knew that Alex was in a hurry. When Alex didn’t move he shrugged a shoulder and left to greet Isobel, careful not to open the door enough for her to see in. To see Alex. 

Alex heard them talking and checked his phone again. He was cutting it close. As it was, he probably wouldn’t even have time to go home for a shower or change of clothes. He rubbed a hand over his head and took a deep breath. 

It was just Isobel. 

He pushed open the door and stepped out, the conversation halting at the sight of him. 

Isobel recovered herself first. “Good morning,” she greeted, shooting a questioning look at Michael. Michael didn’t notice though, too busy staring at Alex in pleased disbelief. 

“Morning,” he told Isobel. He nodded his head at Michael, “I really need to get to work…”

Michael shook himself a little and nodded. He turned to Isobel, “I gotta give Alex a ride to his car but I’ll call you later and you can finish…” 

Isobel nodded and waved him off. She gave Alex a small wave as he and Michael got in his truck and pulled out.

As they drove away, Alex breathed a small sigh of relief. That wasn’t too bad. 

He looked over at Michael to see him staring out the windshield with a grin on his face. Alex smiled in response. Not too bad at all, especially if it meant he got to see that smile.

2.

It was as if Isobel was his trial run. And after its success Alex felt free. Or freer, at least. He was suddenly less concerned with the outward perception of his association with Michael. 

Over the next few weeks, the two of them spent progressively more time together in public. The first week it was just a beer at the Wild Pony. And then Alex joined Michael and Isobel for lunch. Somehow, by the third week post his drunken night in the desert, Alex was spending half his nights at the Wild Pony. Some of the time he was hanging out with Liz or Maria but most nights, however he began them, ended with him sitting with Michael. 

They always ended with him going home with Michael but that was different. That was for them, not anyone else. 

For weeks, Alex stayed little on edge when sitting next to Michael, his father’s voice rattling in his head about embarrassing himself. But it was impossible to miss how much Michael enjoyed having him there with him and it made it easier to tune out his father’s words. One night, a month or so after Isobel discovered them, they hadn’t quite gotten to Michael’s truck after they left the bar. They’d been drinking with the whole group, Max, Isobel, Liz, Kyle, Maria - and Alex took a moment to think about how nice it was that they all still got along. That so long after high school ended and they went their separate ways, they could still be friends - and had been sitting on opposite ends of the table. 

They weren’t used to sitting so far apart anymore and by the time they left the tension was ready to burst. They’d barely turned the corner to the parking lot when Michael shoved Alex against the brick wall and shoved his tongue down his throat. Alex was a little surprised, he thought Michael would at least wait until they got to this truck, but he quickly responded. He grabbed Michael’s hips and pulled him in close as Michael buried his hands in his hair. 

“Oh!” 

They broke apart at the sound. Liz was standing next to them holding out Alex’s phone. She tried to hide her surprise but was failing miserably. Alex could feel how tense Michael was and rolled his eyes. Michael tried to step back but Alex tightened his grip on his waist with one hand. With the other, he reached out and plucked the phone from Liz’s grip.

“Thanks,” he told her, unable to hold back his smile.

She let out a smile of her own, her eyes shining with her joy at seeing her friend happy. “Have a good night, you two.” She told them as she backed away and turned to go back to the bar. 

When she was gone, Alex turned back to Michael to see him staring at him, his face a picture of disbelief.

“Just like that?” He asked. 

Alex shrugged. “It was just Liz.” He said, as if it wasn’t a huge deal for him.

Michael licked his lips. Alex trailed a finger along Michael’s jaw. “Now. Where were we?”

3.

It turns out that the drive-in was fully functional year round. Alex had thought it was just set up for the Air Force fundraiser but that was apparently not the case. 

He found this out when Liz and Maria decided they wanted to host a movie night and bribed the attendant to play the movie of their choosing. Of course, they had to drag the whole group out with them. 

And so Alex found himself sitting in the back of Michael’s truck watching a movie play out on the big screen for the second time in as many months. He tried not to think about what had happened the last time they were there but from the tension radiating off of Michael, he wasn’t the only one with that memory on his mind. 

They watched the movie silence, the sounds of people milling around and quiet chatter providing background noise to the film. About halfway through, Alex decided he didn’t actually care about the movie. He set his beer aside and reached down for Michael’s hand. The entire night, Michael had kept a small distance between them and he was sick of it. Michael had parked towards the back of the small lot and they might as well take advantage of it. 

Michael looked at him when he grabbed his hand. Surprise clear on his face. Alex shook his head a little. He hated that something as simple as taking his hand was surprising but he knew it was his own fault. He pushed the thought away and leaned towards Michael without a word, reaching up and grasping his jaw. Gently, he turned Michael’s face toward him and pulled him into a sweet, slow kiss. 

Michael pulled back after a moment and searched his face. Alex didn’t know what he was looking for but he didn’t hide anything. A smile spread across Michael’s face as he apparently found the answer to his question. He put his own bottle down beside him and reached up to cup Alex’s face with both hands. He quickly pulled him back into another kiss, this one not nearly as slow or sweet. No, this was the dam breaking. Both of them had been trying so hard to control themselves tonight and now they were giving themselves permission to let it out. And they were.

Their hands roamed as they kissed, tugging at clothing and sliding beneath it. Both were cognizant that they were in a public place but were allowing themselves just about everything short of nudity. At one point, Michael tugged at Alex’s hip as if to pull him into his lap but Alex pulled back.

Taking in gasping breaths, Michael furrowed his brow in question and Alex shook his head. He reached a hand down and tapped his leg. Michael looked down and shrugged. 

He moved his hand from Alex’s hip to his shoulder and pushed until Alex was sitting with his back flush against the back window and quickly settled himself into Alex’s lap. From there, both men lost all sense of where they were. 

Thankfully, they were reminded before things got too far by popcorn pelting them in the side of their faces. They broke apart, gasping for air, and turned to see Maria standing next to them with another fistful of popcorn aimed and ready.

She laughed, “You know we aren’t 17 anymore, right? You don’t need to get hot and heavy at the drive-in.” Michael rolled his eyes and sat back heavily on Alex’s thighs. Alex just closed his eyes in embarrassment. She tossed the popcorn into her mouth and quirked her head at the screen. “Movie’s almost over. Thought you might wanna know before the lights turn on around here.”

The two nodded their thanks at her and she left. Michael and Alex stared at each other before Michael slid off his lap. They looked at the screen where sure enough, the credits were about to roll. They glanced at each other and started laughing before they could help it.

So they might have gotten a little carried away. Oh well. Worse things had happened.

4.

“Jesus Christ lock the fucking door!” Max yelled as he turned around and left the Airstream, slamming the door behind him.

“Knock next time, asshole!” Michael bellowed back.

Alex glared up at him. He started to push at Michael’s shoulders to get him off and out of him but Michael just rolled his hips. Alex groaned and let his eyes roll to the back of his head.

Within moments, he had forgotten the interruption.

5.

A night out at the bar had quickly become a weekly tradition for their group. Every Thursday night, Maria would snag a table for the eight of them and they’d take turns egging each other on in karaoke. Michael was the only one thus far to refrain from participating though it hadn’t stopped him from encouraging everyone else to get up on stage. By now, Alex and Michael’s relationship was a well known fact of the group so they didn’t have to worry about spending the night apart. 

No, they were always sat next to each other and even if they did nothing overt, it always gave a Alex a little thrill to be able to sit there and _be_ with Michael without worrying about other people’s perception.

That is, until Master Sergeant Manes walked in one Thursday. Alex was at the bar getting the next round when his father joined him. In the crowded bar, he had to press close to Alex in order to be heard. It was oddly reminiscent of the night of the fundraiser at the drive-in. Before he even opened his mouth, Alex knew what he was going to stay. And he decided he didn’t care.

He cut him off just as his father got started. “I’m busy right now. If you’ve got something you need to say to me. It can wait.” He threw a tired, joking salute with a hand full of drinks and quickly made his way back to his friends. He noticed Michael’s eyes on him as he returned and he knew that he had seen Alex talking to his father. Alex set the drinks down on the table and turned to Michael. He could still feel his father’s gaze and he knew it worried Michael. 

He slid a hand into Michael’s curls and tilted his face up as he leaned down. “I love you,” he whispered as he pulled him into a kiss in the middle of the bar.


End file.
